Personally, I'd rather drink my own piss than learn to play poker. It's always looked desperately dreary. Smoky rooms filled with fat men who look like they raided Bobby George's wardrobe and Andy Fordham's fridge.
"Smoky rooms filled with fat men who look like they raided Bobby George's wardrobe and Andy Fordham's fridge."
Grizzled old Americans with pickled livers, mathematician geeks lost in their algorithms and Scandinavians with ill-advised pony tails - it's not the kind of action I'm after. If I'm going to be playing cards it's Strip Gin Rummy with Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Cameron Diaz and a marked deck as the Santa Ana breeze plays in our hair.
"Upon hearing (that I bet) the person I'm being introduced to will often smile indulgently and talk to me like I'm a handicapped child."
Knowing my inclinations, friends and acquaintances will often introduce me as someone who bets. Upon hearing this information the person I'm being introduced to will often smile indulgently and talk to me like I'm a handicapped child. "Awwww. Does lickle Jammy give all his munny to the bookmakers?" is the general tone I've come to expect.
Being patronised by fools goes with the territory. You bet, therefore you're a degenerate - no problem. But an interesting assumption they often make is that I spend my life in a Casino, shaking the ivories on the craps table, going all in on red at the roulette wheel and facing down the Sharks at the poker tables.
So can you really call yourself a bettor if you've never played cards for cash? Well, I like to think so. Learning poker looks hard work. As discussed previously, I've spent my life avoiding difficult decisions and avoiding hard graft.
But Doctor of Danger assures me I've made the right decision.
"There are some real dumb asses online"
"Dumber than me?"
"Let me get back to you"
I'm still waiting for a response on that one but the message is clear. Someone, somewhere is making cash through this carry on.
I feel like I'm stuck with my decision now. Because I've invested a significant amount of time learning the game it means if I stop now it was all for nothing. And that is anathema to me. This is why men spend their lives avoiding commitment. Because once you're in, you're in for life.
"You can play whenever you want, nobody tries to shut you down when you start winning and you can choose what level you start playing at. "
Looking at the disadvantages it feels time-consuming, requires a lot of concentration and patience and can involve some big losing runs.
But on the other hand, you can play whenever you want, nobody tries to shut you down when you start winning and you can choose what level you start playing at.
Right about now it feels like a lot of hard work for little reward. In the ocean of online poker there are sharks and fishes. I'm a fish. Well, at the moment I'm plankton. This means that while I play an important role in remineralising organic material down the water column, I have a tendency to overplay my hands and frequently misread the flop.
But marine life forms evolve. Even if it takes a few million years. By hitting the books, immersing myself in the theory, playing as many hands as possible and avoiding the choppier waters early on I hope to gradually progress my play until I'm consistently winning on the online tables.
And just maybe then poker will become a pleasure and not a chore.
BBC
